


Wings For The Heartless

by naomi_winchester



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Creature Fic, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, Howard Stark's Bad Parenting, Insecure Loki, Insecure Tony, Loki Has Issues, Loki Needs a Hug, M/M, Soulmates, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Has Daddy Issues, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Tony Stark has wings, angst all around, redeemed loki
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-05
Updated: 2016-03-19
Packaged: 2018-04-25 00:47:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,152
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4940260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/naomi_winchester/pseuds/naomi_winchester
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony Stark was not always the way he was. But he had always felt beneath Captain America.<br/>He gains wings along the way, and learns he isn't the only one that's different.<br/>AU Abused!Tony; Steve x Tony; Kind of Mutant!Avengers but not really. So not a crossover. Redeemed!Loki and Thorki</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

Anthony Edward Stark felt inadequate. He had always felt that way.

It started when he wasn't good enough for his father. Somehow he just didn't live up to Howard Stark's expectations. Captain America did, though, in every way little Tony couldn't. Tony just built things, and sometimes made a mess out of nothing, or talked back a little too much. When Tony was a little, he would have given anything for his father to look at him like he looked at Captain America. The proud look. The look that said, "You are worth something."

But Tony wasn't a toddler anymore. 

Howard wasn't alive anymore either.

Tony really couldn't find it in him to find one little bit of remorse for his father's death. Maybe it was because he died while he was still looking for Captain America. Maybe it was because the only thoughts that came to him when he thought about his father was how much it hurt to get hit by his hands, kicked by his feet. Maybe it was because all he thought of was how much his father had broken him. He wasn't really the dad that Tony wanted. But Tony was pretty sure the feeling was mutual between him and Howard. The only thing Howard ever did after his death to acknowledge his son was give him the Stark Industries, and that wasn't exactly what Tony wanted. He remembered being at the funeral, to see if maybe his dad cared, just a little bit. 

Everything in Howard's will (sans the company) went to random people, employees, and then there was the shield. He left it to Tony, but Tony found he didn't want to take it. He knew the shield was really left for Captain America. Howard knew that he would take it, just because he still wanted to be good enough it was a reminder of how his life went. The only evidence, other than the security tapes and the scars. But after he died, Tony took every one of those tapes, and locked them up in a safe that he made. He still couldn't bring himself to get rid of them, because other than the scars, they were the proof that he wasn't what everyone said he was. The scars were something he kept to himself though. Yeah, he could get rid of them. But it showed how far he went.

Proof that it happened. Proof that he survived. All a secret. 

His mother was different. He truly mourned her death, because even though she would ignore the beatings, she didn't care for Captain America. She often said that Howard was obsessing, and the dead are the dead, and nothing could bring him back anyway. She had a small will, but she left most of her precious things to Tony. And it wasn't like Tony was greedy and just wanted their things, and all of them, just because he was their son.

He just wanted the acknowledgement that he was special enough to be given something precious. That he was trusted. 

Then Afghanistan happened. He remembered Yinsen, and how he died, and how Tony wasn't good enough to save him. Wasn't fast enough. Obadiah’s betrayal was still fresh in his mind, even after all this time, and it still stung burned like the palladium that was in his heart at the time. He remembered the desert heat, and how much he wanted to just die because it hurt so bad-

His heart was aching, just straining, from the pressure on it, because not every heart can be perfect, and his was already cracked, and parts had to be replaced. It felt like it was in the open, for everyone to see. The bright little blue light that showed through his AC/DC t-shirts. He never gave it to anyone, not even Pepper. Despite what everyone thought, they were only close friends. In fact, contrary to everyone's belief, he wasn't sleeping with anyone either, and never had. To everyone's would-be surprise, Tony Stark is actually a virgin. He had already lost so much, that he wanted to be able to control that part of his life. His love-life. He still doesn't understand why women try to tell him that the baby they are going to have is his, as he has never seen them in his life, let alone touch them. But he let everyone think what they wanted to think. Only Pepper knew, and that's why they're so close. She takes care of him, because sometimes, he knows, he can't take care of himself.

If Tony was being honest with himself, he also didn't sleep with anyone because he didn't want to be a dad. It wasn't that he didn't like children, it was just... What if he was like his own dad? He didn't want to make the kid miserable like his father did him, and everyone knows that Tony gets drunk a lot. He didn't want a kid to be a drunken mistake. Every time before Tony gets drunk, he orders JARVIS to make sure no women (except Pepper) get into the tower. Then he drinks his life away, because he feels like he has nothing left. Pepper is always worried about him, because one time he drank enough to fill a small pool, and she got him to spill about the abuse. She makes him eat when he's not hungry, sleep when he's wide awake, and put the drinks down before he gets permanently hurt. She didn't know about the insomnia, though it wasn't too hard to guess. He had it because he used to stay up all night, hearing his parents argue about Captain America, and it never left him. When he drinks, he can still hear them arguing.

He thinks that Agent Romanoff knows. She knows a lot of things though, and, she can keep a secret. He wasn't so worried about her. He hacked into Shield files, and he knows everything about her too, which he knows she knows, so she won't be doing anything any time soon.

Then they found Captain America in the ice. That hurt. He hadn't gone to personally see him, unlike Agent Coulson, who was fanboying the entire time. He feared the way he might've reacted. Hell, if they ever managed to unfreeze the guy, and he even went to Tony to ask for directions, he might have just spilled out what was left of his heart to the kind-looking man. 

Then Loki happened. The Avengers Initiative was brought to him by Coulson, and it was then, when he put up the hologram, that he saw the reason he was the way he was. Captain America. He felt so cold, and he froze, just staring at the footage. Pepper put an arm around his shoulder in support, while Coulson stared at him curiously. At the moment, all Tony could think of was all the moments Howard had spoken about the Captain, and how many insults, punches, were thrown at him while he had been doing it. He didn't see the footage of the other 'Avengers'. He only saw the man in the spangly outfit, fighting for his country with a fierceness in his usually kind baby blue eyes. Suddenly he saw everything his father had drilled into his head, and understood. 

He wasn't good enough. How could anyone beat that? But what made it worse- he knew that the Captain had a heart of gold, and would never intentionally cause someone pain.  
He distantly heard Pepper saying, "Jarvis, shut it off, please," and he shook out of his stupor. "No, it's okay, Jarvis, I got it."  
"Sir, are you sure?" Tony paused. Was he sure? No. "Yes, I'm fine." 

"Alright, sir." A hint of concern showed in the AI's voice, and Tony smiled a little bit. Jarvis cared about him, and Tony didn't even care that he was a robot, because, not that he could really explain it, but he wasn't just a robot. Jarvis never really was. He had always been real.

Tony looked back to the footage, barely noticing the Hulk (though he did make a note to talk science with Dr. Banner), the assassins, and the Demi-God. He kept thinking about him.  
They did manage to unfreeze the Capsicle, and Fury wanted to bring him straight to Tony. Fury didn't know about the abuse, nor the grudge he held against a man he had never met, but he wasn't sure that Fury would have done anything anyway. It's not like Tony was one of his favorite people in the world. In fact, not many people liked Tony. He knew it was because he protected himself by hiding behind cocky remarks, but was it protection, or just being a coward?

__________________________________________

The first time he actually met Captain America, he was kicking Loki's ass. He was mad at himself for admiring how the super-soldier managed to do it gracefully somehow, even with all that muscle. He worked diligently, weaving his way around attacks that Loki threw at him, throwing a couple of punches in, then dodging again. 

Tony decided to interfere when Loki got dangerously close to harming the Captain (for no other reason than politeness), tackling him to the ground, then quickly getting up, aiming missiles at the dumbstruck god.

"Make a move, Reindeer Games," he threatened.

Loki stared at him, calculating, then set down the staff, his electric blue eyes following the missiles as he surrendered, his hands slowly coming above his head. His armor shimmered, then disappeared.

"Good move," Tony commented. He stared in Loki's eyes, and saw something odd. It was just an odd feeling that he got about Loki, and it concerned him that it wasn't necessarily a bad one. Then Loki smirked at him, as if he knew something Tony didn’t, and it ruined Tony’s train of thought.

Shaking his head, he walked back to the Quinjet with Loki in tow, the metal boots clanking on the cement as the Captain followed closely behind him. He greeted the him, Tony didn't dare look the Captain in the eyes- he didn't want to break just yet. But god, Steve was so close, so close Tony could smell him. Of course, it wasn't like Tony was trying to be so close, he swore that the Captain was moving closer, inch my inch.

But it was probably just his imagination. He looked over at where Loki was sitting silently. Why was he so silent? He listened, realizing that the only sound was the rumbling of the thunder outside, and the occasional whirring sound of the quinjet. Usually, Tony would be the one to break the silence. But Tony had a lot on his mind, especially now that he was around Steve, his back had felt like someone was trying to rip out of his skin, inside-out. It had been there all morning of course, but he had a large pain tolerance due to Afghanistan. But his patience was wearing thin now.

Steve broke the silence. “I don’t like it.” 

The genius shivered at the sound of his voice, and wondered when these feelings started happening to him. Tony didn’t look at him as he replied, “What? Rock of Ages giving up so easy?” Steve quickly replied, “I don’t remember it ever being this easy. This guy packs a wallop.” Tony knew what he was talking about. It did seem to easy, although since the thunder started, Loki had been a bit subdued. He studied Loki again as he replied cheekily to the Captain, “Still, you were pretty spry, for an older fellow. What’s your thing? Pilates?”  
Steve sounded annoyed and confused as he asked, “What?”

“It’s like calisthenics. You might have missed a couple things, you know, doing time as a Capsicle.” Tony quipped. Steve sounded even more annoyed as he said, “Fury didn’t tell me he was calling you in.”

Tony finally looked the Captain in the eyes. “Yeah, there’s a lot of— “

Suddenly, the pain in between his shoulders was worse than ever, and Tony’s eyes became wide, alarmed, as he dropped to the ground screeching in agony. He desperately scratched at his back, not even noticing the pain of his fingers scraping down the metal of his suit. He heard Steve yell out, “Get him out of his suit! Somethings wrong!” Every breath Tony took wracked his body with pain. Jarvis immediately took off the suit, as quickly as the system would allow him. Once the pieces were off, surrounding Tony in a circle, he kept scratching, hurting, it was such pain he wished he wasn’t alive but he was and the pain just wouldn’t stop— 

He feels someone take off his shirt that he had on underneath the suit, and he felt a bit of relief but it wasn’t enough so he kept scratching and scratching until—  
RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP, a loud, grotesque noise sounded through the quinjet, and then, silence. The only thing that could be heard was Tony’s panting breaths. 

Everyone else was silent.

Tony didn’t like that.

“Well, hey, I thought I was going to die, but I guess not. I wonder what that was.”

“Uh, Tony?” Steve asked. Tony ignored him and kept talking, standing up, testing his legs. A bit wobbly, but it could be worse. He took a couple of test steps, and when that went fine (other than a tinge in his back), he walked back to the wall, and tried to be discreet as he leaned against it (he wasn’t). “I mean, yeah, it still hurts a bit— “

“Tony.” 

“—but I’m sure it’s fine, I mean, it can’t be that bad, just a— “

“TONY!” He finally turned to Steve, annoyed, and said, “What?!” The soldier looked at him in surprise, as he wasn’t actually expecting Tony to acknowledge him. His cheeks were tinged red. “Um… Tony, you have wings.” 

Tony laughed, “Yeah, right, that’s funny Steve. Why would I have—what the…” As the genius reached a hand back to prove Steve wrong, his hand met something soft, and he was stunned into silence as his hand came back with a solitary feather. He was silent in shock, turning his head as far as he could to see where it came from, but found he didn’t need to. Bright, brilliant electric blue wings that just glowed as they fluttered into his view, and somewhere in the room, Tony heard a gasp. Maybe it was Tony himself. Truthfully, Tony wondered how something so beautiful belonged to him. 

He looked up to see awe in the Steve’s eyes, and in that moments where eyes met, another feeling rose up in him, on that was unnatural than the normal feelings he usually had, they were just animalistic. It said mine mine mine and mate mate mate and he couldn’t shake off the feeling. It over-ruled every thought he had, and he had to fight to think for himself. Strangely, though the inner voice was possessive, it was submissive. It bugged Tony that that might be what he needed, but only because of his massive pride.   
He heard a small voice say, “Beautiful…” quietly, and he preened. Another snappily said, “Quite,” and he felt what would have been the equivalent of hackles rising. He turned to the odd voice, growling like a feral creature, but it felt natural to him. He was graced (not) to the sight of Loki, who was grinning at him like a maniac, but Tony’s brain didn’t see that. Instead, Tony’s inner creature saw another… well, him. Except Loki’s creature had wings that were a solid gleaming black color, with emerald and gold feathered streaks sticking out of random spots. It looked like chaos. To top it off, he saw a thin layer of frost encasing the wings, so thin it was almost invisible. They perfectly represented him. He found it annoyingly beautiful, but wouldn’t admit it.

But he also found another thing quite peculiar. No one else saw it of course, how could they? But when Tony wasn’t focusing at the wings, he saw something that made him understand Loki a little bit better. He stood up, and approached the man carefully, waving off the other Avengers that looked at him in concern.  
He looked at him somberly. “Why didn’t you ever say anything?”

Loki looked a bit shocked at this question, but knew what he meant, Tony could see this in the trickster’s eyes. But the god’s mouth was not as revealing.  
“I do not know what you speak of.”

“And you know I will not specify details here. It is against our laws, Loki.” 

Somehow, Tony knew what he was talking about. Since he had seen the wings, he knew everything there was to know about what he was. For istota skrzydła there were old Norse laws that they were bound to follow. One such law, was that you couldn’t tell about another’s kolega. And even if he were not bound to those laws, he would not exploit how a man became bitter. 

“I care not for these laws. You do not seem as someone who follows them anyway.”

Tony had to chuckle at that. He was right, and at one point, he had even said that he wasn’t on for following rules, but this was a much more serious situation. One that needed to be private. He flicked a wing, and the area around him and Loki was encased in a private, magic bubble. The magic was new, yes, but it seemed as if Tony was now just greeting an old friend. The magic seemed as a real person, and he could not help but compare his new magic to JARVIS. They were both a reassuring comfort to him, and could never be replaced.

But as soon as Tony did so, the Avengers were in an uproar, banging on the invisible shield-like bubble, other than Steve and Natasha, Steve with a look in his eye that resembled curiosity, and Natasha because she was steering the jet. He knew that she could just put it on auto-pilot, but Natasha seemed to understand that they meant no harm. That woman knew everything, he swore.

With another flick of the wing, the bubble became opaque, shielding their faces from Natasha, and her lip-reading abilities. Tony wasn’t stupid, and he wasn’t born yesterday. Lip-reading was one of the first things you learn as a spy.

When he turned back to Loki, who was looking at the bubble with satisfaction, and then he regards Tony, “You were telling the truth,” with obvious surprise. Tony glared at him playfully, “Hey, I’m not the God of Lies here!” But then he was back to seriousness. “But Loki, why wouldn’t you tell him?”

Loki snorted. “Would you tell your Captain over there?” At Tony’s hesitant look, he laughed, saying, “No, you wouldn’t. Why would I, if you wouldn’t?” Tony glared at him. “That’s different,” he simply said. Loki stared at him. “How so?” Tony stared at the magic wall, willing himself to see through it. He did, and Loki watched him watching the Captain with scrutiny. Finally, Tony answered. “Steve feels nothing for me. Thor is different. Even if I only saw him on footage, I could see his love for you.” Loki scoffed. “If you don’t think Captain Rogers feels anything for you, you must be blind.” Tony replied just as fast, “Then you must be blind as well.”

Loki fell silent.

And Tony waited. They were both tuning out the ruckus outside of their bubble, instead turning towards their thoughts. But Loki only had one thought on his mind.  
“If Thor loved me…”

Tony looked up, putting his full attention on the god. “Yes?”

Loki took a seemingly deep breath, swallowing a lump in his throat as he turned towards Tony. “Why would he be with Jane?”

Tony’s breath caught in his throat as he thought about it. He didn’t get to think for long though, before a boom sounded through-out the Quinjet as the glass-like shield rippled, shuddering with the jet. The thunder outside rumbled loudly, and Loki knew.

He was here.

And he was angry.

Tony quickly turned to Loki, saying, “Look, I really don’t know why he’s with her, but we can’t jump to conclusions. We aren’t the only thing out there to worry about. But if we’re going to figure this out, I need you to think more clearly, and stop being a douche.” Loki glared at him when he called him a douche, but then he appeared to be thinking about the idea. After a few minutes of contemplating, he agreed, nodding.

Tony sighed in relief. “Good. But, uh, they aren’t going to be as convinced. I’m pretty sure your brother is really angry.” Then a thought crossed Tony’s mind. “Is he like us?” he asked Loki.

Loki looked at him oddly. “Not that I know of. I am still wondering how only you could see my wings. I’ve hidden them for many years. Not even Thor has seen them.”  
Tony’s cocky billionaire ego made him stop and grin. “Really?” 

Loki’s lips twitched into an amused smile. “Yes. It’s either because you’re a newborn, or because you received a gift.”

The thought of receiving a gift awed Tony (being called a newborn didn’t, but he chose not to linger on that). He never thought any of this would happen, or that he would be so lucky. He used to be just Tony. Now he had something that kind of felt like family, oddly enough. He just kind of sensed it, when he was talking to Loki. If he had to pin it on anything though, it was the scent. Loki smelled of home, something he had never felt on his own. He thinks Loki might feel it too, by the way sometimes he would smile, but then catch himself, and scowl, confusedly sniffing then starting the process all over again.

But they didn’t have much time. Tony could smell Thor by the Quinjet’s entrance, and he knew that the thunderer was looking for Loki. With a quick flick of his wing (which had been tucked into his back), the shield became clear again, but was still standing, and the Avengers were clearly relieved, but confused at the ruckus outside the entrance.  
He heard the door slam open, and saw the glint of Mjolnir reflecting the lightning, a flash of a royal red cape. His heart raced as he changed to a protective stance in front of Loki, who was trembling at the emotions, feelings, and scents. Tony was a bit overwhelmed as well, as it was first time he would meet more family. His senses kept telling him that the two Asgardians were his. His family. 

Thor was getting closer very quickly, his boot-clad feet seemingly eating the ground they walked upon, until he reached the shield. Thor’s eyes glinted angrily, glaring at Loki, ignoring Tony’s stance.

I’ll teach you to ignore me, Tony thought, as he watched Loki shrink back into the seat he was strapped in. Tony stepped closer, and Thor turned to him just as he flung his wings open wide, covering Loki’s form with the massive wingspan, a symbol of protection. Thor’s eyes went wide as he saw the wings, but he dropped his hammer when he saw Loki peeking shyly from behind Tony, waving his dainty hand at him as if it were completely normal behavior for him.

Well, Thor thought with sadness, it used to be.

As he gazed at the Midgardian mortal that was defending Loki with what could only be curiosity, Tony opened his mouth in shock. Loki, noticing this, settled his head on Tony’s shoulder, and murmured, “What?”

Tony leaned in closer as he whispered, “Don’t you feel it?” Loki looked at him confusedly. “Feel what?” he asked. Tony shuddered—with happiness, relief, or anger he didn’t know— as he told Loki shakily, “A… A familial bond.”

Loki looked back between Tony and Thor, Tony, Thor, Tony, Thor, Tony, Thor.

“I don’t feel anything.” Loki said bluntly. Tony smacked his forehead. “Of course you don’t feel anything, you’re not related.” At Loki’s hurt look, Tony’s face softened, and he turned more so he was facing Loki. “I’m sorry Loki, I shouldn’t have said that.” Loki furrowed his eyebrows and said, “It’s confusing.” Tony sighed. “What is?” Loki swallowed again, taking a deep breath through his nose, before blowing it all out in a puff of breath. “Thor.”

Tony was intrigued. “Why?” 

“For so long I looked to him as family, and I was hurt because I was always in his shadow. Then the Jotunhiem accident, and I find out he wasn’t my family, and I was some peace negotiation, and that even if I was with my real family, they would have abandoned me anyway. No one wanted me.” He paused, mouth pursed. “Then one day, everything changes when I get these,” he gestures to the wings. The engineer saw the tears welling up in Loki’s eyes as the god looked up at him, almost begging him for comfort. The tears spilled over as Loki finally said, “And now when I need him most, he doesn’t love me the way I do him.”

Tony purred to comfort him, another instinct he was following, and Loki buried his face into Tony’s shoulder, wiping his eyes furiously on Tony’s bare skin, and Tony simply shielded him with his wings, which had turned from their electric blue to an armored black, these feathers sturdier than others. wrapping them around the god’s small frame as he turned to face the rest of them. He caught Natasha’s eye and the look of sadness on her face, and knew that she had known what they had been talking about.  
Damn lip-reading.

She inclined her head to Thor, asking, ‘Do you want me to tell him?’ He shook his head vehemently, and silently mouthed, ‘Fury.’ She got the message and got out her phone, speaking in Russian to Fury (something Tony didn’t know the pirate could do) and making up excuses.  
Because Tony wasn’t letting Loki get locked up just quite yet.

But what Tony didn’t notice was the look of horror on Steve’s face as the Captain stared at the scars that were no longer hidden by the wings.


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kind of short. Over 1000 words but not as long as the last one. Sorry guys.  
> None of the characters belong to me, yada yada yada. If you get confused on some of the italic words, they're from google translate. Probably doesn't mean what Google says it means. Read on, faithful warriors.  
> PS. Does anyone reading this make fanart? I don't possess the talent to do anything for it, though I've been itching to try. NO TIME IN EIGHTH GRADE, I SWEAR.

Loki was shaking away his tears when he heard a soft gasp coming from the Captain, and looked in the direction the super-soldiers horrified gaze. He found the scars, the white lines that were both big and small, and painful looking. Quickly making a decision, he unveiled his wings from his magic, and quickly covered Tony’s back gently, knowing the scars were long-healed, but still wanting to careful. He met the Captain’s gaze, giving a tiny shake of the head to the man. Steve clenched his jaw, his eyes filled with worry, but nodded.

 

Thor was shocked as he watched wings seemingly sprout from nowhere on Loki’s back to cover the mortal.

 

He had never seen such a beautiful thing in his life. The wings were graceful, just as Loki was, and Thor wondered how he had never noticed that he had ever had them. The black feathers were glossy, looking almost like shards of glass, and the green looked just the color of the cape that adorned his brother’s armor, and the scattered golden feathers looked surprisingly soft, fragile.

 

He felt like only he should see them, and that made him confused.

 

Thor reached out to touch, but came in contact with the shield, making it ripple, and Loki’s head shot around to meet his eyes, then—nothing. Loki was once more hidden in the mortal’s shoulder, barely peeking out at him. It was strange, thought Thor, that this mortal could seemingly bring _his_  Loki back, when Thor had tried so hard, so many times, he couldn’t even count anymore. He couldn’t even begin to express the jealousy at this, though if anyone asked, he would deny it was there. What did the mortal have that Thor did not?

 

 _No matter,_ Thor thought, _Loki is coming back to Asgard with me._ He put on a determined face (that could easily be determined as anger), and swung his hammer back, wanting to smash open the shield to get to Loki. Loki’s eyes widened in alarm, and he shouted, "Tony! The shield!"

 

But Thor was too fast. There was no way his essence shield would survive a blow from a godly hammer. There was nothing Tony could do but shield his rodzina and hope it was enough.

 

A booming crack sounded throughout the quinjet.

 

Silence.

 

The shimmery shield fell.

 

But one shield stood strong.

 

Behind that shield stood Captain America, once again protecting the innocent with his spangly ass in their faces. Well, Tony’s face. Loki was covered with probably bulletproof feathers. But Tony didn’t see it at first because he was too busy squeezing his eyes shut, waiting for his demise by Thor’s hammer. He did get a pretty good eyeful though when he opened his eyes, wondering why he wasn’t being smashed to smithereens.

 

But most of him felt honored. Yes. Yeah. Yup. That’s why he was staring at—

 

Moving on.

 

Tony was shocked. Really, he was. His istota skrzydła was inwardly purring for Steve, pleased at the way he shielded Tony from harm. Actually, by the way Loki was looking at him, he probably wasn’t doing it as silent as he wanted. Damn.

 

"WHAT, _exactly_ , DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING?! You could have killed them!"

 

Tony was drawn out of his inner fight (and his purring stopped) when Steve shouted this. Everyone was staring at his kolega for a while, wondering if Steve was even going to make it out of this argument alive. Thor’s mouth was wide open, looking at the shield in disbelief. It was quite obvious he had never hit something that had actually withstood the hammer. He was still doing the gaping mouth action, shutting and closing his mouth, looking from the hammer to the shield.

 

Tony watched cautiously, waiting to see if Thor would make any sudden moves, wings poised. He could see Loki in the corner of his eyes, barely breathing as he stared at Thor like he was the stupidest being on Earth. I mean, he probably is, Tony thought, but that’s what you get from favoritism. _Damn you, Odin_.

 

"It’s nice to meet you too," Tony grumbled in Thor’s direction.

 

Thor turned to Tony confused. "I didn’t say anything."

 

"I mean—never mind, it’s a Midgardian thing." Tony didn’t feel like explaining it to the Asgardian. Loki snorted though. "It’s a Tony thing, not a Midgard thing, and it’s called sarcasm." Thor looked shocked at the casual conversation. The corner of Natasha’s lips turned up into a little smirk that could have been a smile. Steve just stared at Tony. And finally, Tony met his eyes, and the chocolate eyed man became serious (a little too serious for Tony Stark, but he blamed his creature side) quickly, and said quietly, "Thanks Steve," then turned his eyes to his feet in a submissive gesture that he couldn’t help, but kind of liked.

 

Steve just smiled at Tony, for the first time ever probably. Everyone knew that since they met they hadn’t seen eye to eye, but Steve knew that there was a most likely a reason for Tony’s character. He just wondered what exactly happened to his old friend’s son for him to need such a mask. For him to have so many scars… something truly awful must’ve happened. There were so many questions he had for him.

 

Natasha was the one to suggest that they go to the tower, but Loki interfered with that, saying, "We still need to get the doctor and Barton. They will most likely be very angry with me."

 

Steve turned towards him. "Most likely? Try again buddy." Tony turned towards Steve, and said teasingly, "Hey, that’s my line!" Steve smiled at him, and Tony felt like his insides were melting into a big pile of gooey mush. They heard Natasha say, "Where is Barton?" She said it a bit too harshly for Tony to be comfortable with that, and he turned towards her sharply, giving her a warning growl. Loki looked chastised, at best, but also hurt. Then he cleared his throat.

 

"I’m sorry to say that I’m not entirely sure where Barton, or the good doctor, is." Natasha made no movement to show her feelings about that, but Loki and Tony could both feel the anger coming off of her in waves, and Loki shifted nervously. "T-Thor?" Thor’s head snapped up from whatever he had been doing for the past several moments, either observing or just spacing off no one knew. "Yes, Brother?" He saw Natasha wince from where she was, which was now with them, as she had turned the jet to autopilot earlier. Loki’s feathers barely twitched at the title Thor had always insisted on, but Tony could see the slight movement. Loki continued, "Thor, do you remember when I fell into the void?" Silence.

 

Thor’s face was one of pain, a grimace of a smile as he whispered gravelly, "Yes." Loki gently smiled at him, even though Thor didn’t notice. Loki continued, "I thought that I was going to die. When I was finally lost to the darkness of the universe, I thought it would swallow me up, and I would be in a better place." Loki's Adams apple bobbed as he tried to swallow his emotions. "But I didn't get there. Instead... I fell to the planet of the Chitauri." The trickster's wings drooped, but still covered Tony's back. "I didn't wake up for the longest time. When I did, I was in my Jotun form, and I was not in the best of conditions, but I was myself." Everyone was listening intently at Loki's story, and Tony couldn't help but snuggle closer to his new, well, _brother_ , in a sense.

 

"Then, I was told I was to be... promoted. So the Chitauri unchained me and took me to their leader."

 

Loki's eyes flickered to Thor's, slight uncertainty in them.

 

"Thanos."

 

Thor gave a small gasp that only Loki noticed.

 

"By then," Loki whispered," I had lost all will to live." Then he chuckled humorlessly. "But no, that was just perfect for him." Loki spit out the words like venom. "It was 'even better than he imagined'. It just made it easier to control me." He looked around the small circle of people. "I was the perfect weapon. What with me having that... incident, in Asgard, everybody had been expecting it." Loki sighed bitterly. "No one was expecting me to be a puppet. I knew no one was going to even try to save me."

 

Loki glanced up at Thor, tear tracks visible on his cheeks, and for a moment, Thor saw the vulnerable man that Loki really was. "Except for you, Thor," he said teasingly, though his voice cracked a bit. "Bloody oaf was ruining everything. Just to save me." His voice was now hoarse with emotion, (and after seeing that Tony's wings had withdrawn, covering his scars) rushed to _his Thor_ , clutching him tightly, whispering soft thank you's in Thor's ear while his wings folded around them, feathers now softer than silk. Thor's hands were clutching him just as tightly, his fingers raking through the soft plumage, smiling when Loki shivered and purred in his arms. The _istota skrzydła_ breathed in his _kolega_ 's scent, the familiar smell of lightning and storms, and snuggled deeper into his chest.

 

 

Tony watched them with a sigh, wishing that that could be happening to him right now with his _kolega_. Loki's troubles were, of course, far from over, but Tony just... kind of needed a hug.

 

As he glanced longingly at Steve, he wondered how long he would have to wait for him.

 

Tony would wait forever.

 

How lonely that forever would be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: I'm such an asswipe. I'm so sorry I haven't updated. Here are my pitiful excuses:
> 
> 8th grade is in full swing right now. I have history hw assigned every night, no joke.
> 
>  
> 
> I have a ton of stories.
> 
>  
> 
> I've been painting. 
> 
>  
> 
> I might have been busy coming up with these excuses. Possibly. Not sure.
> 
>  
> 
> Okay, enough of that. 
> 
>  
> 
> FROM NOW ON THIS IS PRETTY MUCH AU. So yeah, I DO WHAT I WANT.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yeah I'm a bitch for not updating.  
> I mean, no one's said it to me, but they thought it.  
> Honestly?  
> No excuses this time other than I don't always want to write.  
> Sorry :/

Tony was in a whirlwind of depression.

After the touching sight of Loki and Thor making up, Natasha decided to go back to the tower. Fury would be on the lookout for Selvig and Hawkeye, who Natasha had subtly hinted that they might be in Germany still, thanks to Loki's helpful information. Everyone was given their own floors, including Dr. Banner, who had arrived shortly after they did. Tony went up to his own floor in silence, deafening silence. He thought about going to his lab, but decided it wasn't worth it. For once there was nothing on his mind but the overwhelming sadness, no ideas, no fleeting thoughts that he was sure raced through his mind even in sleep.

Nothing.

It wasn't normal, and he couldn't grasp exactly what was happening to him. The next morning, Loki informed him exactly what was happening.

"It is grief, Tony. Grief in its purest form."

"What do you mean?"

"The _istota skrzyd_ _ł_ _a_ depend on their mate, Tony. As far as I know, the Captain hasn't said anything more to you?" Loki had a concerned glance, but it wasn't really helping Tony. He noticed the trickster's wings were concealed again, and took note to ask him how to do that later. For now, he wanted them out so he could get used to them. Heck, maybe he would try to fly or something, in his lab.

He forced himself to answer Loki's question. "No, he hasn't. But I've been perfectly fine _before_ all of this, it shouldn't matter if I have him or not!" Loki smiled sadly. "That's exactly what I said too. But without him, I went crazy." Tony looked at him curiously. "I thought you were controlled by the magic stick mojo." Loki looked sheepish as he said, "That was after the little accident in New Mexico and Asgard..."

Tony feigned a gasp. "You _sly_ dog!" Then seriously, quietly, he asks, "Do you think that'll happen to me?"

Loki gave him a long glance, a tiny smirk on his lips. Finally, he said, "No, I don't believe so." The engineer gave a sigh of relief. "I am worried for you, though. Grief tends to ruin your life so specifically. It targets the biggest part of who you are and who you want to be." Tony swore. "Of course it does. I can't work in the lab, Loki! It's driving me crazy, but I don't have any inspiration!" He looked sullenly at the floor. "We really need to fix this."

~ooOoo~

Nicholas Fury was furious. He had just gotten off the phone with Natasha again, who lied and made excuses again. He could tell, just barely, but he could. He then called Stark, who didn't answer, then Bruce, who did.

"Hello?"

"Dr. Banner?"

"This is him. Who is this?" Banner seemed on guard, which wasn't unusual.

"I'm Director Fury of the Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement, and Logistics Division."

"And what does SHIELD want with me?"

Fury smirked. "We would like to know how the Loki situation is coming, since we have a reason to believe our intel isn't being truthful."

At the other end of the line, Bruce was not smiling. He frowned, before walking out of his lab that Tony had set up for him, before running right into Loki. Loki was surprised, to say the least. He opened his mouth to utter an apology, but before he could Bruce covered his mouth. Loki's brows furrowed until Bruce mouthed, "Fury," and pointed to his phone.

Loki nods his understanding, and waves a hand, a swirl of magic in the air. Bruce looked confused, until Loki gestured at the phone. He slowly raised it to his ear, looking at Loki incredulously.

"Well, I don't-" Suddenly the line fizzes out, like a bad connection. Bruce abruptly pulls the phone away from his ear, watching as the screen turned black. Loki examined his nails. "That's not going to turn back on. You'll have to ask Tony for one of his 'clean' phones." Bruce looks up. "Oh. Thanks." Loki smiles at him, though he can tell that the god is exhausted, with the sleep circles under his eyes. "Anytime." The scientist takes pity on him. "Want something to drink? I make a mean green tea," he offers. Just as Loki was about to decline politely, Thor comes walking up.

"Brother, would you mind if we have a talk?" Thor suddenly takes notice of Dr. Banner. "Privately," he adds. Loki frowns at him, and without replying he turns back to Bruce. "It was lovely to meet you. I do hope to have a talk with you soon, and I shall try this 'mean green tea' you speak of. Good day, Dr. Banner." Bruce smiled, though it is strained from stress. "See you around."

Thor led Loki away, to a secluded spot on a balcony on the top floor. Loki wriggled out of his grip despite what had occurred the day before, sitting over by the edge of the balcony, his feet hanging out of the bars that kept them safe, dangling over the city. It was darker out, and the sun was setting, but he could still hear cars and people and see the bright lights that prevented him from seeing the stars of home. Thor sat next to him, and they watched the sunset together, until it was barely there. Loki was nervous. They hadn't talked since the frantic reunion on the quinjet. He didn't know what to say.

Thor turned to him. "You have not always been controlled," he rumbled. "No, I have not," Loki agreed. It was quiet again. "When? When did you lose your mind?" Loki chuckled. "I have lost my mind since the very beginning, Thor." He stole a sideways glance. "But if you want to know when my mind was not in my possession, it would be after I fell from the Bifrost." Thor's hands clenched at the empty air. "Then why before? Why try to kill me before? When I was with Jane?" he asked angrily. He didn't notice when Loki flinched at Jane's name, continuing, "Was this all because you are not my brother by blood?"

"I am _not_ your brother, Thor! I may have been at one point, but things have changed." _I love you a different way now,_ Loki wanted to say. "So nothing is different. You haven't changed at all," Thor accused, seething. _Not so!_ Loki thought. "Why do it at all? No one was on your side, you were being selfish."

The words stung, but the more Loki thought about it, he was selfish. He sat there in silence, silently crying inside.

Thor, seeing that Loki wasn't going to reply, stormed away from him to the room he was given.

Loki rested his head against the cool bars, sobbing, tears of anguish running down his pale cheeks.

"Grief was on my side," he whispers.


End file.
